Bursting Through the Titanium Floor

Captainsblog: Stardate: 63191.2 Okay so you have heard of the glass ceiling... right? I've been living for years... above the Titanium Floor. I have no recollection of when my weight was below 200, and there always seemed to be barriers keeping me from breaking through that ironclad barricade. It was like there was this whole other realm where other people existed... a realm whose borders where closed to me (had my passport expired?). Of course it had been in that realm at SOME point in my life, but I have no idea when that even was. I know that is has been at least 25 years. Today, I stepped on the scale and *dun, dun DUH!* I have burst through the titanium floor into the land of the 100-somethings! Holy Crap! Stamp my passport, I'm STAYIN'!