Saturday, December 26, 2009

Who... me?

Captainsblog, Stardate: 63451.5
Today I hit the 80 pounds lost mark... which is really pretty hard to comprehend. Another hard thing to make fit in my head is that I am within 15 pounds of two people that I consider thin - what the hell is THAT? I still don't apply that term to myself. People will see me and say something like "hey, skinny" and I tell them I am thinnER, but not skinny. I have this concept in my mind of what skinny is (think Kate Moss or Calista Flockhart) and I'm certainly not that... nor do I aspire to be. So this is an interesting place to be... and interesting time of adjustment and discovery. We bought ourselves a Wii for Christmas, my daughter Erica bought us the Wii Fit Plus to go with it, and we've been having BIG fun with the exercises, and anyone who scoffs and muses "how strenuous could THAT be?" Don't you doubt it until you've tried it! It's fun, but can really kick your ass too! So here's to losing 80 pounds, and to getting more active :-)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Streaming...

Captainsblog - Stardate: 63424.9
I had my surgery on 6/3/09... two days after saying goodbye to my cousin Cindy. After a 3 year battle with ovarian cancer, she passed through the Western door at the age of 51. She walks now in another realm. Cindy and I were... no scratch that... ARE very very close. There are times when I feel her with me as truly as ever I did in her physical presence. One of the last things she said to me was "I'll always be with you Lindy." When I was admitted to the hospital of course they asked how I was doing and all that... I didn't tell them I was emotionally and spiritually devastated. I didn't want any of my medical team to think I was too unstable for the surgery or something. I am realizing now that buttoning up like that while necessary (in my opinion anyway) at the time, is not without repurcussions. Of course I grieved for Cindy in those first days, I mourned my loss, I cried and I wailed, I wrote and I raged right up until the morning of surgery, but then I had to just bottle it all up and put it away... at least until I came home. Once I was home, it hit me hard, my loss and the endless well of emotion related to her passing. Free streaming emotion... no download necessary.. just 24/7 access. Its been a little over six months now since we lost her, and there are times that I cannot make my brain REALLY comprehend that a world exists without Cindy's physical self in it. It hurts my heart... daily. At the most unpredictable times, it just wells up and bubbles over and leaves me as hollowed out as a jack-o-lantern. I find that the more weight that I lose, the more vulnerable I can feel at times. It is like the extra weight shielded me from the world in a sense. Now when stuff comes flying my way, there's less to deflect or absorb it... I have to deal with it (which is ultimately a good thing). Awareness of what we are dealing with, is the first step to dealing with it in a positive manner... so here's some baby steps.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Half-Birthday

Captainsblog - Stardate: 63389.2
Happy Half-Birthday to ME! Today is the 6 month anniversary of my surgery. Some of the things I have learned in this 6 months are as follows:
  • Going back to work after 2 weeks was probably a bit ambitious (but I survived)
  • Sugar is the devil (it really IS)
  • No matter what your brain and heart etc. may try to tell themselves, your stomach is the BOSS! Tummy aint happy... aint NOBODY happy!
  • Never underestimate the importance of supportive family and friends!
  • It feels really good, to FEEL good (to have energy and such)
  • My bones are NOT bigger than that (I used to look at those height/weight charts and say "oh hell my BONES are bigger than that!")
  • Portion control is EVERYTHING
  • Each day is a series of conscious choices regarding food and nutrition, what to eat, how much, does this have enough protein, does it have too much sugar???? I can never just shove food into my face without thinking about those things.
  • Hair loss sucks!
  • When you crave something... find a way to make it work within your guidelines. Case in point... I've been jonesing for ginger snaps... by reading labels, I found one that was not too bad I could have like 3... but they were just okay, not "OMG that's what I'm talkin' about!" So I kept looking and found Anna's Ginger Thins. I have a little bit of Breyer's carb smart vanilla ice cream, and a few of those (only ONE tiny gram of sugar per cookie) and they truly taste like honest to goodness ginger snaps... "That's What I'm TALKIN' about!"
  • That you are capable of much more than you may think!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Random, Party of One?

Captainsblog, Stardate: 63383.3

Random #1

I Stepped on the scale yesterday and had an epiphany. I actually weight LESS than what it says on my driver's license! Of course I've lied on my D.L for years upon years, at one point weighing about 70 pounds MORE than it said... but now I've shrunk past that static lie, and weigh less... how cool is THAT? When I reach goal I'll have to pony up the 5 bucks and get a new one where I can actually tell the TRUTH!

Random #2

SparkPeople Quiz: How Healthy is Your Relationship with Food? Interesting!

75 Pounds Gone, T minus 35 and counting...

Friday, November 13, 2009

Goodwill Shopping

Captain's Blog, Stardate: 63334.3 (this just never gets old for me)

Okay so I stop at my favorite Goodwill store (Goshen, Indiana) on my way back to work from a Mammogram appointment (my little reward).
You see tomorrow is 50% off day and typically the day before that sale the store is packed with good stuff, but not so packed with people. So I score a couple of nice wool blazers ($5.00) and a shin length black leather coat ($9.00). Then I decide that maybe I should see what is at the Ireland Rd. store (South Bend, Indiana) and score an even NICER black leather coat. This seven dollar coat is fabulous... shin length, and a size medium (I have always said my BONES were bigger than that... guess they're not!). So yeah Friday the 13th so works for ME! P.S. 72 pounds gone.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Mile Marker 70


After a month or so on this plateau, which was a bit frustrating... I am moving again, and finally made the next milestone. I have now lost 70 pounds ... which seems rather surreal in a way. Jen mentioned the other day that it is like carrying around my Graddaughter... WOW! I lost a person... a small person granted, but a person. I cannot IMAGINE picking her up and lugging her with me ... everywhere I go... for everything I do... 39.4 pounds to goal. What??? Can't believe it's been 5 months since surgery already.

Monday, October 26, 2009

How Touching... or NOT!

Captainsblog, Stardate: 63285.6
I was taken completely by surprise today, I changed into my shorts to hit the treadmill, and happened to catch a glimpse in the mirror... I did a doubletake, I did a TRIPLE take.  When standing, my thighs don't touch any more, there is SPACE.  Wow... who'd a thunk it?  I'll be nice and NOT post an accompanying picture!  LOL! 

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Of Plateaus & Hair Loss



Captainsblog, Stardate: 63262.6 (why yes, it IS my favorite way to start a blog post)
I've been hanging out on a plateau for a couple of weeks, but interestingly, I am not totally static, i have seen changes while here.  I find things fitting differntly, the sand is shifting I guess.  I'm rather frustrated with the lack of exercise, I've added some back in, but since falling and wrenching my back and hips, most exercise is hurtful (beyond the positive "feel the burn" kind of pain). So I'm not sure what do about all THAT.

The hair is still on the retreat... which concerns me (yes I KNOW it's normal).  I have this vision of a real oddball head of hair when it begins to re-grow... a porcupineish look perhaps?  I imagine 2 feet+ of what hair doesn't fall out, and this fuzzy undergrowth of new hair.  I'm supporting my hair from the inside (skin, hair & nails vitamins in addition to what I am already taking post-op)... and externally (nioxin)... I'm not "worried" about my hair... but to quote Jackie boy "I don't like it!"

Milestone approaching... hopefully that'll be my next post.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Bursting Through the Titanium Floor




Captainsblog: Stardate: 63191.2 Okay so you have heard of the glass ceiling... right? I've been living for years... above the Titanium Floor. I have no recollection of when my weight was below 200, and there always seemed to be barriers keeping me from breaking through that ironclad barricade. It was like there was this whole other realm where other people existed... a realm whose borders where closed to me (had my passport expired?). Of course it had been in that realm at SOME point in my life, but I have no idea when that even was. I know that is has been at least 25 years. Today, I stepped on the scale and *dun, dun DUH!* I have burst through the titanium floor into the land of the 100-somethings! Holy Crap! Stamp my passport, I'm STAYIN'!





Thursday, September 10, 2009

Not the HAIR!


One side effect of bariatric surgery is a period of temporary hair loss,I knew this going in, but have been hoping it would not happen (okay some of you folks KNOW how I am about my hair... but not WHY... more on that in a bit).  The loss happens due to the trauma of major surgery and the rapid weight loss.  Basically your body freaks out and thinks is starving to death, so focuses on vital organs and processes, and not so much on providing nutrition to your hair. I did some looking and found a great article on this here.   

I have been noticing progressively more shedding lately.  Jen mentioned how my hair was thinner in spots.  Tonight when I brushed my hair out after washing there was a lot of hair in the brush. I always collect my hair, and take it outside, or put in a little muslin bag that I saved for this purpose, and take it out later... your hair contains everything about you... never send it to the landfill!

I know this is temporary, but it unsettles me a bit.  In 2000, I had VERY short hair, at that point I made the decision to stop cutting, stop coloring, stop perming and just let it grow as it will. I didn't want to restrict myself in that way [by cutting], wanted to stop polluting my hair with chemicals. This was not as a fashion choice, but a spiritual growth piece.  My Native heritage carries many teachings, here is some information about the spirituality of hair. 

Hair is the physical manifestation of our thoughts and an extension of ourselves. So pure and sacred are the thoughts of Our Mother, the Earth, that her hair grows long and fragrant. Sweetgrass, one of the 4 sacred medicines to Native American people... represents the hair of Mother Earth.  On the Medicine Wheel Sweetgrass sits in the North, the place of consciousness. The cutting of hair by oppressors has long represented the submission and defeat of a People, through humiliation.  This occurred in the Indian Boarding Schools when the white culture was intent on "killing the Indian, to save the [person]."

I know that this is not a crisis of global proportions, but it will be another growth piece for me... literally and figuratively. So I'll give my hair all of the nutritional support that I can, my nutrient levels are all right where they need to be... and I'll baby my hair through this time of change.  One thing is for certain... come spring there will be many a bird's nest on our farm... built and fortified by that which I am now losing.  So yeah.. Mno Ganuh (sp???) "It's All good."


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Numbers Are In...


One of my major contributing factors to having the surgery was that my cholesterol was out of control. I still need to get HDL up... but here are the numbers. I'm so EXCITED!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Side-by-Side Comparison

Jen suggested I post a side-by-side comparison, good idea! the difference is striking, even to me when viewed that way.

It's Not Just a Cookie...


Captains Blog: Stardate 10909.01
Dontcha just love birthdays? Here at the office, when one of our co-workers has a birthday, we sing and celebrate and people bring in food for all to share. This is a nice thing... a GOOD thing that we celebrate each other like that. I LOVE sweets... or I used to. Now when there are all manner of carbolicious treats around, it is not unusual for people to offer me a cookie lets say... and when I decline, I might hear, Oh it's just one cookie. But for me... it's NOT just a cookie. Granted I love the IDEA of a cookie, cause it is sweet and undoutedly tastes good. BUT, for me, that cookie also represents the past... past habits of mind, and past behaviors that led me to being so overweight and unhealthy. That cookie has baggage! So when I say "no thanks" to things that I would have snarfed without a thought in the past, that's a little personal victory to me, a re-commitment to the changes I have made and continue to make. It's a celebration that I am in control. I'm no longer living to eat, just eating to live.. as it should be.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Whoa!


As of this morning, I am half-way to my goal weight.  The first half is quicker... so I know that it will be a while before I am at goal, and that's cool.  It is nearly incomprehensible to be experiencing success in this long fought battle, after so many failures.  I know getting to goal is only a part of the journey, keeping on target will require daily work, keeping with the healthier habits I am living now and constant vigilance. But wow, and holy crap - half... way... there!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Sweet Nectar of the GODS!


Okay may not SEEM like much to blog about... but yesterday after a 3 month hiatus, I had an iced Chai from Starbucks... a small one, but a real live GENUINE Starbucks Chai! No ill effects - hooray! I was half afraid I'd no longer LIKE it... since many tastes have changed, but no worries, I still love the cinnaminny goodness of that Chai! I do think that my time away had a negative economic impact on Starbucks and Tazo... seriously! I sure won't have one every day or anything... but to know it's an OPTION... SWEET!

Also today, I had the 3 month blood work, I go next week for the 3 month follow-up appointment, I'll be VERY interested to see those cholesterol numbers especially!

Peace - out my peeps!
P minus 53 and counting... LOL

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

2 Cool Things


  1. I am no longer required to take daily Rx antacid - just as needed  :-)
  2. Heading out the ball park today... didn't want to lose my cell phone,, so I put on a belt to secure the phone case...  and used the 5th hole - I used to use the 2nd or 3rd hole at best... I've NEVER used the 5th hole on this belt!  Sweet!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Milestone


I've now lost 50 pounds, in a little over ten weeks! Down about 3 pants sizes. There are still some off and on food issues, and the arthritis is an ongoing thing, which IS improving. Adding Glucosamine and Chondroitin chewables to the regimen (with the doctor's permission of course) is helping with that too I think. Overall I feel GREAT! After coming home from MichFest, I've been so TIRED. I know I need to get more sleep, and I need to get after the exercise more. So my next goals are increase exercise, and GET MORE SLEEP! Thanks to all of wonderful peeps for their support.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Festival Feats!

Jen and I went to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival and had a BLAST.  I did really well with food, only one mishap.  We walked a LOT... probably 8 or 10 miles over the week. If I had still been lugging around those extra pounds, I cannot imagine how I could have survived!  My hips gave me fits (thanx to arthritis and the inability to take the NSAIDS I was on pre-surgery), but as the week progressed, it got easier. 

I brought alot of my own food, but ate some of the free meals too.  it was an AMAZING experience and I feel great about how well I handled the rugged terrain and lots 
of walking considering I hit my 9 week post-op while we were there. not too shabby!  3 pounds away from the 50 pound mark!


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

8 Weeks

It's been 8 weeks since surgery, 42 pounds gone. One of my co-workers said "it's just melting off of you"... which she meant as a compliment I'm sure, but it felt a bit like her perception was that this is effortless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes the surgery gave me tools I didnt have before, but there are still daily challenges. Granted some of those are things I have never worried about in my LIFE, like will a certain food sit well on this day, or REMEMBERING to eat. Who knew THAT would ever be an issue?

The whole "easy way out" thing is the biggest myth out there - that having gastric bypass surgery means weight magically falls off of you with no effort. That is just not the case! While you may lose some weight without exercise, if you want to see real results you have to exercise! I'm up to three miles on my bike, while that's still not all that much, for a person who could not ride a bike for the last five years or so, it's a huge accomplishment. When I rode that three miles... I thought I would just croak as I rode the last little bit up the driveway... as a matter of fact, I slowed to a crawl and due to a lack of momentum, fell over. I probably looked like Artie Johnson on the old Rowan & Martin's Laugh In show... when he fell over sideways with his tricycle... LOL

You also can’t just eat whatever you feel like... as you used to. Eat the wrong thing, eat it too fast, or try to eat too much (even one teeny tiny bite too much) and you'll be miserable. Unhealthy foods can make you quite sick and they will stop weight loss just like they will for anyone else.

Bariatric surgery is a tool, that can help people dedicated to becoming heathier... do so, but it's NOT the easy way out! Okay, I'll step down from my soap box now...

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Navigating the party waters...

Went to a grad party for a great friend who just got her Ph (freakin')D in nursing [HUGE congratulatory shout out to "Doctah D"... you rock!].  I successfully navigated the food table *yeah*... it's amazing how my thought processes regarding food are so different now.  I was formerly a junkie for the sweets, and seeing the decadent cake, and the cookies and all... I guess I liked the idea of those things, but there was absolutely no temptation to eat them, as I was unwilling to pay the price of eating it.  Seeing the heaped plates of other party goers was almost nauseating to me.  The thought that I would have had a similarly piled plate pre-surgery certainly does not escape me, but knowing that consuming even a fraction of what was on the average plate would have me "yowling in despair"... is just so unreal!  The notion that the "heaped plate" me and the "tiny portion" me... are the same person... amazes me just the same.  

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My WL Journey

My name is Lynn. June 3, 2009 was my re-birthday. I had surgery, a laproscopic gastirc bypass Rue-N-Y. My provider is Team Bariatrics in Goshen Indiana and they are PHENOMENAL! They truly are a TEAM that holistically supports you and gives you the tools for success, while helping you discover within yourself, the strength and dedication that this journey takes. Shout outs to Kathy, Sue, Barb, Drs. Murphy and Hawkins, Kendra, Jen, Sandy, Cynthia and Jeff... you all are awesome! It is my hope that this blog will be a resource to people contemplating this journey, and/or already on the journey themselves.

I am 51 years old. I decided to have the surgery as a means to get healthier. My weight was out of control. I had tried so MANY things, for so many years. My goal was to live a long and ACTIVE life, enjoying my family and friends, my children and grandchildren. Health issues were creeping in, arthritis that was getting steadily worse, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I cannot tolerate statin drugs so my cholesterol was more or less un-managed. I tried with diet and some natural supplements, while I was leading up to surgery. I'll be interested in September when they check it again, to see how the weight loss has effected my lipid levels.

These first 2 pictures will serve as my "before" as I didnt take a picture the morning of surgery as I now wish I had. The picture was taken at an awards ceremony in March 2009. I received a teaching award, that the Indiana University system awards to outstanding educators. You are only eligible once in your IU career. That night was such a contradiction of feelings... this award was a once-in-a-lifetime honor. I was excited, honored and humbled, and so pleased to be surrounded by my family and friends. BUT As I walked up on that stage, I barely heard what the President of the University was saying... as I was SO conscious of my weight... when I stepped onto the portable stage they used, it boomed with my first step... I was so embarassed... I felt huge!


The image below was taken this week, 7 weeks post-op. I have lost about 38 pounds, and am now riding a bike a few miles, for the first time in a LONG time. I am off the blood pressure medication *yeah* . I am blessed to have an awesome circle of friends, and an incredibly supportive family. Heartfelt thank yous go out to my incredible partner, my wonderful kids, marvelously supportive siblings and family members and all of my fabulous friends. I have a long way to go, but with all of your support... I'm on my way!